Horror Blockage

If I had a dollar for every time I needed to get a plumber out in the last three months, I’d be able to buy a loaf of bread, maybe two. It doesn’t seem like much, but we’re talking quality bread here. Like, rye or multigrain. It’s not like one dollar white bread or anything. So, let’s say that’s four to six dollars. At best, that means it’s more than once a month. At worst it’s once a fortnight that I need to fix a blocked drain. Melbourne has great plumbers, but there just seems to be something wrong with my pipes.

It can’t be easy to get rid of all that drainage. I’ve tried it myself. The classic one, bicarb and vinegar, doesn’t seem to do anything. I’m a bit too scared to try heavy chemicals and make the problem even worse, or find out that I’ve corroded the drains. Someone once suggested that I take the top of the drain out myself and use a hook to scoop out the drainage. No thank you!

Does anybody know where I could find the best drain cleaning around Melbourne? I’m starting to get concerned that the issue might be more… sinister. Nobody I’ve asked so far has been able to tell me what’s wrong. They say it’s nothing, that it must be in my head. But I swear, there’s something not quite right with that drain. Could I be doing something wrong?

Maybe I need a drain plumber who’s willing to go a little further, dig a little deeper, and work out the real issue. I’m starting to think I need someone who is willing to act like the kids in Horror Movie. They weren’t afraid of the monster in the pipes. I think I’ll start referring to my drainage issues as ‘Pennyfool the Singing Performer’. That way, when the next plumber comes around, I’ll be able to say, “Yeah, Pennyfool is causing some real trouble. Can you deal with him for good?” and they’ll know they need to take this beast seriously. Because it is, seriously, a problem.