Dental

I still remember the day like it was yesterday. I was playing on the basketball field loving life. The weather was warm and I could feel the sun singing the fine hairs on the back of my neck. We were in the grand finals for basketball, up against our biggest rival team. The passion was felt both on and off the field. There wasn’t a single person there who didn’t have a heart pulse beating out of their chest. One thing I did know was that whenever that ball landed in my hands I had one job: run.

At one point I remember running so fast that it felt like my feet weren’t even making contact with the floor. I felt like I was almost floating across the field with a vivacious speed. Until suddenly, slam! I was face down and the ball flung out of my hands. I don’t remember what happened around me, but that’s because I didn’t care to look up. What I did know is that the game continued on for moments until a loud whistle sirened through to stop the game. I raised my head and felt the metallic taste of blood gush on my tongue. Everyone around me gasped. This was a sign I needed a trip to the dentist. In the Bayside area there was a local dentist five minutes away.

I still remember the horrific feeling of running my tongue against my teeth, only for my tongue to feel the pained gaps in my mouth where my teeth once were. I looked down at the floor and saw bits of broken teeth on the concrete. The game no longer mattered to me. I let out a loud wail and screamed. I screamed from the pain, and from the shock. I had no idea what I looked like. All I could think was ‘do I need dental implants?’ Soon after that thought, I must have collapsed because I remember waking up in a hospital bed feeling dazed. The thought of dental implants scared me but I knew it had to be done. 

You know, it really bothers me that everyone assumes the Tooth Fairy is a girl. In reality, there are about a thousand tooth fairies out in the world, of many different genders. What, did you really think that a single tiny fairy could collect all of the fallen-out teeth each night? In reality, it takes a highly trained team of fairies who know exactly what they are doing in order to collect all those teeth. It’s a tough job, and each of us is put through extensive training in order to prove that we are ready to go out into the field. Pet Evasion, Pillow Digging and Advanced Flying are just some of the classes I had to take before I could even be considered for tooth collecting. It’s intense, but our entire system would fall apart without such a rigorous program.

After graduating, I was assigned regular duties in the Bayside area. I’ve actually had a really easy time here, seeing as there’s this highly rated Bayside dentist doing such a good job that nobody ever loses any teeth. There’s a guy in his thirties who still has his primary teeth because he’s taken such good care of them. I didn’t even think that was possible. Seeing as each night is so quiet, you’d think I just slack off and have a great time, while getting paid to do nothing. Of course, that was the case when I first started. I’d fly around town and just hang out with all my other fairy friends, or sneak into the arcade to play some video games. After a few years, though, I’m starting to get bored with this. For once, I’d just like someone to not have dental cavity protection or clean their teeth in the morning and again at night. People are just way too good at protecting their teeth here.

I’ve been considering a change in career, actually. I think it would be good if I went and taught at the Tooth Fairy Academy. I’d be tough enough on the upcoming fairies, training them to be real professionals. Then one of my students can go slack off in the Bayside area instead.

– Bob the Tooth Fairy