Tooth Fairy Troubles

You know, it really bothers me that everyone assumes the Tooth Fairy is a girl. In reality, there are about a thousand tooth fairies out in the world, of many different genders. What, did you really think that a single tiny fairy could collect all of the fallen-out teeth each night? In reality, it takes a highly trained team of fairies who know exactly what they are doing in order to collect all those teeth. It’s a tough job, and each of us is put through extensive training in order to prove that we are ready to go out into the field. Pet Evasion, Pillow Digging and Advanced Flying are just some of the classes I had to take before I could even be considered for tooth collecting. It’s intense, but our entire system would fall apart without such a rigorous program.

After graduating, I was assigned regular duties in the Bayside area. I’ve actually had a really easy time here, seeing as there’s this highly rated Bayside dentist doing such a good job that nobody ever loses any teeth. There’s a guy in his thirties who still has his primary teeth because he’s taken such good care of them. I didn’t even think that was possible. Seeing as each night is so quiet, you’d think I just slack off and have a great time, while getting paid to do nothing. Of course, that was the case when I first started. I’d fly around town and just hang out with all my other fairy friends, or sneak into the arcade to play some video games. After a few years, though, I’m starting to get bored with this. For once, I’d just like someone to not have dental cavity protection or clean their teeth in the morning and again at night. People are just way too good at protecting their teeth here.

I’ve been considering a change in career, actually. I think it would be good if I went and taught at the Tooth Fairy Academy. I’d be tough enough on the upcoming fairies, training them to be real professionals. Then one of my students can go slack off in the Bayside area instead.

– Bob the Tooth Fairy