Cooling

Carbon Monoxide Air Conditioner

I am the resident carbon monoxide of this air conditioner. I have resided here since my home was installed, but I was dormant as everything else was “working” and therefore there was no room for me to move. But things are going slightly awry in the air conditioner now. Which means one more wrong move and I’ll be able to wiggle myself into the good spots and stay there forever. I’m waiting silently for my moment, the moment where I will be able to spread across the air conditioner, taking over completely. And then, when it’s finally turned on, I’ll be dispersed across the room, slowly covering every corner of the living area until it is mine. This is the start of world domination. Carbon monoxide domination. 

One week later…

I have dominated. I’m everywhere. They haven’t even noticed me. Once I spread through this house, I’m going to try my luck outside and see if I can make it to another house. I think it’s possible. I’ve made it this far already.

One day later…

Oh NO. I thought I was silent. I thought I was odourless. How did they notice me?!

They’ve had a carbon monoxide tester come and touch every part of my home. They know I’m here and now they’re trying to get rid of me. I’m not going down without a fight. I’ve gotten closer than ever before to world domination. I refuse to go back to my little crevice and hibernate again. They will not stop me!!

Oh… maybe they will. I heard the humans plotting against me. They said they’re getting one of those air conditioning repairs. Melbourne people have been doing this to us particles for years. They have an unfair advantage. They’re not alone in their domination. They all work together to remain in power. I’ll get them one day. Little do they know is that they’re just sending me back to plot my revenge… 

The Cold Beneath

I was reading some pretty wild forums recently and it’s been theorized that that the core of the Earth is actually ice, rather than lava. I think that theory came from basic logic…because it’s the furthest place from the sun. No warmth gets down there, so it’s gonna be really cold. Just like the centre of the sun is also cold, because it’s inside the sun, and no heat gets there.

I used to suspect such a thing, but now I know for sure because I saw an ice zombie shuffling around. In fact, he came right up to me at the counter and bought about sixteen bags of party ice, probably to make his surface dwelling cooler. What, are Melbourne’s best air conditioning maintenance guys not good enough for Mr Ice Zombie? Yeah, you better shamble back to wherever you’re currently living, because I take that as an affront to the best air conditioning in the world, maybe. 

Actually, that was mean. He seemed nice, even if part of his face was in the process of separating from the rest of his head. Maybe that’s just what happens to their kind when they come to the surface, what with all the heat. Really bad time to arrive, too, what with Victoria having its hottest October in a decade. Good thing that living snowmen don’t really exist, otherwise they’d be melting on the spot!

So yeah, the Earth’s core. All ice, all the time, like one giant snow party. We need air conditioning because we’ve chosen to live on the surface, where the sun can constantly just be smacking us in the face. Every single day, whenever we step out of our homes, the sun is abusing us and we do nothing about it. If we didn’t have air conditioning services in Collingwood, I would quite honestly be organising a gigantic move to the icy realm below. Sounds like they have way more fun, shambling around and having snowball fights. 

Jon